landfall | 03rd Landing . video

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03rd Landing . video

Really? I still don't have an inmate? Come on.

[ Hey Barge, have Racetrack in a sweatshirt with her hair messily pulled back. Lookin' good messy. Like she spent half an hour in the mirror getting it to look messy-perfect, because she did, and don't judge her, she hasn't had half an hour to spend on her hair in years. ]

Anyway. Attention, people with - well, medium-bad judgment. Especially Mal. Triad - it's a card game, like poker - my place, the stakes are clothes because I don't have any money. First four or five takers are invited. And, because of the stakes, no one underage.

Oh, and Felix Gaeta is not invited.

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[Her eyes widen, just slightly, before her brow furrows.]

But you're a Warden and he's not.

And before that port, I would have said that I don't know why that is.

[Her lips tighten, just slightly. It could have been worse, so much worse, but the memories still cling to her mine like cobwebs - the terror and futility and seering, consuming rage.]

I don't know if that place is a good one to judge someone by.

I'm not mad at him because of how he behaved.

It's just - I found out some other stuff that he did. And I'm mad at him for not telling me, but I didn't have any real right to ask - we weren't that friendly. And I'm mad at myself for trusting him as much as I did, because now it feels like I put my faith in something that wasn't real.

And I'm pretty sure he's mad at me for being a warden when he's not.

It's just frakking complicated.

And I'm sorry for ... telling you all of that. I don't really know you. Hi.

[Barbara waves a hand, smiling slightly.] I asked. And I'm Barbara Gordon, nice to meet you.

[Her lips purse, now, as she turns pensive.] I figured he'd done - something. Bad things for good reasons. You see that a lot, here.

Doesn't mean those reasons were any less right.

I ended up locked up for what I did for him, and I concluded there that, I don't know, if it feels wrong maybe it is wrong. I didn't like going against the people I'd fought alongside, that was for sure, even though it was for good reasons.

Anyway, I want an apology from him but I don't see that I have solid enough ground to ask for one. So I'm just trying to stay away until I'm less angry.

[It's a brave thing, to turn against your comrades to do what you think is right, even if it all goes wrong. There's admiration in her eyes, when she speaks.]

Sounds to me like there were no good decisions, not completely. Maybe you made mistakes, both of you, but everyone else probably did too.

Does he know about your imprisonment?

Mistakes is the least of it.

[ A nod. ]

We talked about it when I got here.

Mistakes has a pretty broad range.

[Again, her eyebrows crease.] If he didn't apologise then - he probably needs time to realise why he should.

Or a kick in the ass, one of those.

Well, he died for it. I didn't think I had much grounds there either.

I'd say he died for whatever you were fighting for. [The words are a bit strained. It's one thing knowing Felix died. Talking about it - that's different.

But she doesn't let it stop her.] That's not the same thing as making amends to the people who fell down with you.

I think it might do him some good, frankly.

I do too. But I don't think I can ask for it. Definitely not as pissed off as I am.

I could always try prodding him in that direction.

I'm not sure how good I feel about asking you to get involved.

I'm just so tired of people getting dragged into fights that aren't theirs. Or people getting dragged into fights, period.

[A wry, grim smile.] Getting involved is what I do. But I won't, if you don't want me to.

[Her fingers drum against her desk.] I want to say "life is fighting", but I think that says more about me than anything.

Fighting is all about death. I'm sick of it.

...listen, if you go into this with your eyes open, I don't see how you - or anyone - stepping in could make things much worse.

I'm sorry, that sounded harsh. I'm being down about arguing, not about you.

No, I get it. [Fighting with people you care about is exhausting.] And I'm pretty sick of death, too.

That was my deal. To come back from the dead, and to get the chance to actually live a real life.

[Softly, intently.] You deserve it. [Even if Racetrack wasn't an admirable sort of person - everyone deserves that chance.]

...Mine was - bringing people back. Or fixing it so they never died.

That would've been a little less selfish.

Hey, no one says you have to leave after the first one.

I don't like that I have to do this in the first place. If the Colonies were still around, I'd have a family by now.

[That hits hard, and she tries to only show sympathy, understanding, but there's something haunted and bitter in her eyes. She remembers thinking that; if the Joker hadn't - ]

Seems like family is always the first sacrifice. Even when it's not our choice.

So you know how it feels?

Did you want to be a mom?

[This time, her smile is entirely different; warm, and soft, and proud.] I am a mom.

But for a long time I didn't think I could be. [The smile fades entirely, as she considers what to share.] And I still - I can't, biologically speaking. [It's not something she's told many people, but she doesn't mind sharing it with another woman, with - someone who understands.]

03rd Landing . video

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