landfall | private to elena . 05th landing

Why do I need to come over? Do you need me to read it to you?

It feels really frakking creepy to just - read it. I know some wardens might like the full-on privacy invasion style, but I don't think that'll be me.

Fine, if it'll make you happy.

[She figures if she complies with this, Racetrack will back off and not hover.]

I'll be there in a few minutes.

[And she does turn up with a knock just a few minutes later.]

[ Wheel cranks around, door opens, Racetrack steps aside. ]

Hey.

I haven't... read it yet.

[ Have a seat, Elena, at this stupid table in the middle of this stupid bunkroom. ]

My what willpower you have, Grandma.

[Elena steps inside and sits down.]

What do you wanna know then?

Is there anything you want to tell me about?

[ She doesn't really want to sit down, but she does, anyway. ]

Not particularly. I don't care about how little or how much you know.

[She motions to the file.]

Might as well read it. Makes kind've a bad centerpiece.

[Elena looks around with a slightly raised brow.]

Not that there's much good interior decorating could do to save this shithole.

If insulting my awful cabin makes you feel better, go ahead.

[ Half sarcastic and half genuine. ]

Well, okay. Listen, I'm going to be pretty hands-off. Unless you really start frakking with someone else, there's not much I want to do. I won't chase you down unless there's a reason.

I've been behaving all this time...

[Elena shrugs.]

Frankly, nobody on this stupid ship is worth the consequence of screwing with. But at the same time, I don't like not being able to fully defend myself though. So, can I have my full abilities back? Or am I going to have to barter for them with you?

I'll drink about it.

Think about it.

[ wow worst misspeak ever

She facepalms at herself. ]

Okay. I don't want to hang your powers over your head like bargaining, but I'm not going to get the Admiral to give them back just because you ask. Convince me that you won't hurt anyone - that you won't, not just that you won't care enough to hurt someone - and you get them back.

I'm completely on my own.

[At home. On the Barge. It doesn't matter. Elena's standing entirely on her own.]

[Elena sits up and leans forward.]

Everyone here has their own little factions and none of them are interested in taking me in. I'd be an idiot to start attacking people. Even with my powers, that wouldn't stop them from finding out just how many ways I can be killed until it finally stops being fun for them to have at me every waking second. It's not a matter of not caring enough to start picking people off, it's a matter of not wanting to make this place an even worse hell for myself than it already is.

[She's also pretty sure Cassel's already painted a target on her at this point. Or he's damn close to it. Either way, she doesn't want to let him get the first swing. And she's not telling Racetrack because that sure would not convince her Elena's not going to hurt anyone.]

Even if you can't trust me about liking or not liking anybody else, Racetrack, you can trust that I don't want to die over and over again.

[ She shakes her head. ]

You give good argument, but the answer's still no. We share the danger, here. And you're not alone, because you're in my faction now, and if someone does anything to you, I will make sure they wish they'd never thought of it.

And if you need to, you can take a rack here and I'll make sure no one bothers you. Including me.

[Elena lets out a derisive puff of air.]

And what are you going to do if the werewolf decides to bite me during a flood? You do realize what a werewolf bite does to a vampire like me, don't you?

No, I don't. Feel free to tell me.

First, I'll start to run a fever and then I won't be able to keep any blood down. But the real fun part is when the hallucinations start. I really hope I don't need to do the math to tell you what a bad idea it is to have a starving, delirious vampire in a confined space or how the story ends from there.

And if that happens, we'll deal with it.

There's only one way to deal with it, Racetrack, that's the point. And I really doubt you could. You'd make someone else do it.

You don't think I could? You don't think I'm capable of shooting you down if I have to?

No, I don't. You can say that you are now, but honestly? It's easy to say that you'll do the right thing when you're not actually facing the decision in the moment. I used to say the same thing, but I could never do it.

So, forgive me if I won't believe you until the moment actually happens.

Elena.

I'm fresh off of detonating - [ accidentally, and just post-mortem, but she would have done it, and she considers herself as having pulled that trigger ] - a nuclear bomb in the middle of a fleet. I've shot friends before, people who I've fought next to and would have died for. Next to that? You don't rate that high.

When it comes down to it, you may not know what you'll do, but I know exactly what I'll do. And believe me, it's not fun knowing that.

[Elena's eyebrows go up at that. It's hard to tell if she's genuinely impressed or not. (Spoilers: she's likely not actually impressed.)]

So an even bigger monster's supposed to be babysitting me and teaching me how to be a better person. Christ, they were right. The Admiral really is an incompetent moron.

[She stands up and hesitates before she picks up the file. She opens it and skims for a moment. She's both amazed and not surprised how many times the words "died" or "death" show up. Her expression remains unchanging, however, as she reads.]

And he can't apparently tell you anything useful either.

[ No. This isn't something Elena gets to hold over her. It's not a button Elena gets to press. Racetrack pushes down her impulse to argue. ]

If you want to think of me that way, go ahead. If you want the whole story, you can ask.

It might not all be useful, but I doubt it's all useless.

[She doesn't - yep, you guessed it - care enough to ask. She's just gonna think of Racetrack that way.]

Read it or don't.

[She closes it and tosses it back down on the table.]

But understand one thing, that girl in the file's dead. She went off Wickery Bridge in her best friend's truck and she drowned like she was supposed to a year ago. And no amount of wishing, hoping, or arguing is going to bring her back.

Get that and you and I might get along.

[ She rests her elbows on the table, and her chin on her hands. ]

So, who are you?

I think that depends on who you ask.

I'm asking you.

I'm someone who's finally making a choice for herself and taking control of her life and people don't like it.

Like that girl didn't?

No, she didn't. She may have wanted to, but everyone else made the decisions for her in the end.

All right. Making decisions for yourself is fine. It's even good.

[Yeah, Elena is a skeptic, but that doesn't mean she's not going to push it.]

So we're in agreement that I don't have to turn my emotions back on unless I want to?

Why would I make you do something like that? What good would that do?

I turned mine off for years because it hurt too much to have them. Sometimes that's what people have to do.

[Elena snorts derisively because she doesn't believe it. Ever since she turned her emotions off, she's had more than one person trying to convince her in any way they can that she needs to turn them back on. She needs to go back to the way she was and want to take the cure.]

Are you sure you're qualified to be a warden? I'm pretty sure you're supposed to be telling me the joys of humanity and how it's just not like me to not care about anyone anymore.

Or my personal favorite from my ex: [She mocks Stefan's voice:] You'll regret all of this when you turn them back on, Elena. We're trying to save you from that guilt.

The great thing about making decisions for yourself is you own the guilt, too. It all belongs to you. I'm not going to try and protect you.

[ Which can actually be kind of reassuring, especially for someone whose life used to be out of control. You get the bad and the good. There's something in it, to Racetrack, that means you're a real person. That's what adulthood is: not making good decisions, but making decisions and dealing with what comes from it. ]

Humanity can be really great. It also can be... bad. Sometimes really bad. So do what you want.

Just don't kill anybody?

Try not to hurt anybody.

Someone tries to bite you and you put his face through a wall, or someone hits on you and you turn him down so fast it leaves skid marks, that's one thing. But going out of your way to make someone else's life worse, or trying to take away their freedom to choose and decide for themselves - that's not okay. Though I don't know why you'd even want to do that second one, if you know what it feels like yourself.

[Elena nods. It doesn't necessarily mean she's going to adhere to it strictly or honestly speaking, but she can give the appearance of at least listening.]

I wouldn't, for the record. I've only really compelled one person and it was a mistake. It was just the easy way out of a bad situation and it ended up biting everyone in the ass.

[ This has not blown up or gone south yet, and Racetrack is highly suspicious of that fact. Elena is probably being full of shit.

Why did she think she would be able to do this? ]

Easy ways should really actually be easy more often.

How else would karma ever be proven otherwise?

Karma can bite me.

Not that I'm an expert or anything, but I'm pretty sure that's what karma's supposed to do.

Anyway. Let me know if you want to go to the spa or beat up some stuff in the CTS or anything.

Did you want to go to that school? I'm not a fan of the blue-headed guy, he reminds me of someone I used to dislike a lot.

[Elena snorts.]

You and me both. I'll pass.

But there is something you could get for me. If you're willing to let me have it.

[ She crosses her arms. ]

Let's hear it.

Before I ended up here, I kinda burned down my house.

[Because that's something you can kinda do, right? Right.]

So, all my family pictures... Well, you know. [Elena folds her arms and glances down. It's an act. Maybe Racetrack can tell. Maybe not. Elena's hoping not.] I just wouldn't mind having them back. It's not like I can visit their graves now whenever I want.

I'll get them.

[ That's something the Admiral could do.

And while she's at it, it wouldn't be a bad idea to get some for herself. ]

[Elena nods a little and purses her lips.]

Thanks.

So are we done here?

I guess we're done.

[Elena nods and turns to leave. Over her shoulder:]

Happy reading.

private to elena . 05th landing

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject