Oh, I understand that now. I assumed that was the reason I was being kept here. Some lesson in taking responsibility, maybe. [Except that's not it, so seriously, what is it?]
Look-- I was... fond... of Louis, but he was naive. We all were, when we started. If he's managed to hold onto that... I'm happy for him, but I haven't. I've grown the frak up. Maybe I've traded passion for certainty, but I know which one I'd rather have.
The only thing you were naive for believing was that Zarek wasn't a frakking psychopath.
What happened? Why did we go from having the support of most of the fleet to spinning out of control? Because it happened, and it happened fast. We were reacting, not acting, and nothing went to plan.
Was that you? Did Adama scare you? Did it become personal, that you had to beat him, and you had to do it your way?
I'm not doing this. I'm not going through a post-mortem with you. It happened the way it happened. [Tom and the Quorum. Roslin on the Basestar. Sedition, escapes, cracks that were slipped through... He's gone over it all painful bit by bit in his head already, a thousand times, and as little a believer as he is there's a part of him that can't help but wonder if they were destined to fail.
[He's tempted to tell her to frak off -- it doesn't matter to him anymore, and he doesn't want to talk about it. But that wouldn't make him any better than Adama, would it? Adama, who ignored his own people.
Like it or not, warden or not, she's still one of his, in a way. He sighs.] Things... didn't go the way they were supposed to. That's all I can say.
[ She doesn't sound particularly pissed off when she says that, though. ]
From our point of view, from my eyes, it looked like at some point it stopped being "we need to do this" and became "Felix Gaeta needs to prove he can do this", like the old man scared you... but what do I know. I've thought about it too much.
I got scared too. I didn't like going up against Starbuck. And Apollo.
I know that somewhere along the line, I made a choice the Admiral, this Admiral, disagrees with. I just... was wrong about which choice that is. [And the more he considers it-- if he let himself care about graduation, the more worried he'd be. Is it about Gaius? Sharon? New Caprica? There's a lot of history in the last four years.]
Felt wrong then, not like, for example, the election. People voted for Baltar because it felt right. Turned out wrong. But I don't think that's really wrong. I mean, we're human, we can't figure out everything that'll happen from what we do.
[Now he looks a little agitated.] I don't know. [What if it is New Caprica? Sharon said he'd known all along, but he hadn't. He swears he hadn't. How could he have? It must be something else.
Except what?
He's not sure it's not Gaius. Or Tom. Maybe he'd known from the start how bad they both would be. Maybe it's helping Dee with her mutiny three years ago. Maybe it's not helping her steal the election. Maybe it's not doing more to save her. He's been questioning his own decisions so much lately, and those are the ones he's making now, much less the ones he made then. He shakes his head suddenly, annoyed.]
I don't know. I don't want to talk about this. I don't care-- how do you even know it has anything to do with right and wrong? It's whatever the Admiral thinks.
Or a commander and his angry CAG? [There's a little heat behind it, but not necessary rancor. He's just upset now, firing off in stress, the question punctuated with an anxious little huff as he rakes a hand through his hair.]
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Look-- I was... fond... of Louis, but he was naive. We all were, when we started. If he's managed to hold onto that... I'm happy for him, but I haven't. I've grown the frak up. Maybe I've traded passion for certainty, but I know which one I'd rather have.
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What happened? Why did we go from having the support of most of the fleet to spinning out of control? Because it happened, and it happened fast. We were reacting, not acting, and nothing went to plan.
Was that you? Did Adama scare you? Did it become personal, that you had to beat him, and you had to do it your way?
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I'm not doing this. I'm not going through a post-mortem with you. It happened the way it happened. [Tom and the Quorum. Roslin on the Basestar. Sedition, escapes, cracks that were slipped through... He's gone over it all painful bit by bit in his head already, a thousand times, and as little a believer as he is there's a part of him that can't help but wonder if they were destined to fail.
If the human race was destined to go extinct.]
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Like it or not, warden or not, she's still one of his, in a way. He sighs.] Things... didn't go the way they were supposed to. That's all I can say.
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[ She doesn't sound particularly pissed off when she says that, though. ]
From our point of view, from my eyes, it looked like at some point it stopped being "we need to do this" and became "Felix Gaeta needs to prove he can do this", like the old man scared you... but what do I know. I've thought about it too much.
I got scared too. I didn't like going up against Starbuck. And Apollo.
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[ ugh. ]
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And if I'd been there, I might have reminded you that Apollo is the one who got Baltar acquitted. We've all made choices.
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We've all made choices.
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Felt wrong then, not like, for example, the election. People voted for Baltar because it felt right. Turned out wrong. But I don't think that's really wrong. I mean, we're human, we can't figure out everything that'll happen from what we do.
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Except what?
He's not sure it's not Gaius. Or Tom. Maybe he'd known from the start how bad they both would be. Maybe it's helping Dee with her mutiny three years ago. Maybe it's not helping her steal the election. Maybe it's not doing more to save her. He's been questioning his own decisions so much lately, and those are the ones he's making now, much less the ones he made then. He shakes his head suddenly, annoyed.]
I don't know. I don't want to talk about this. I don't care-- how do you even know it has anything to do with right and wrong? It's whatever the Admiral thinks.
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[ Easier to believe the Admiral just decided something than that he might have really frakked up. ]
Listen, I don't really want to do this either. I'd rather just be friends than a warden and an inmate. Can we do that?
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[ lbr, Felix. ]
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